Someone should make this movie ...
"I AM ZOMBIE" ...
In the not-so-distant future, post-zombie plague-sickness, the last zombie on earth finds itself hounded and harassed by hordes of uninfected humans who, having enjoyed popping zombies in the nut willy-nilly for nigh on a decade, have become consumed with a rabid blood-lust all too typically and historically human.
Aided and abetted by members of the outlawed activist organisation PETZ (People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies), our zombie fugitive (whom we shall name Fredd, a one-time hairdresser to the stars of a popular, if not quite critically acclaimed soap, "Our Neighbourhood") is shunted from hiding place to hiding place as his allies bravely, perhaps foolishly, attempt to preserve the last of his kind, fighting against time to find Fredd a willing (or not-so-willing as the case may be) mate so that Fredd and his half-caste offspring may be reintroduced to society and learn to take their proper place alongside those of a non-zombie, non-undead persuasion.
For the lawmakers of the land had once, many years before, decreed that if they were provided iron-clad proof that zombies were capable of reproduction, reproduction being a gift from God, then their status as "undead non-citizens" would be revoked and they would be duly regarded from then on as simply "undead" and be issued with temporary citizenship until such time as they could learn a trade and become productive contributors to a faltering economy.
Even though Fredd has a somewhat disconcerting habit of chowing down on the brains of those members of PETZ who's do's he's just cut and fluffed (and expressing an appropriate level of remorse for acting on his baser instincts and impulses thereafter), our valiant activists, not easily discouraged or diverted from their passionate desire to see Fredd “git it on”, set about abducting various ladies from various walks of life to see if any of them hit it off with our zombie hero before finally settling upon one Ladybird Bishop, a fine female human specimen drawn from the ranks of the minor, but quite influential political party, "For God & Family".
Believing herself to be chosen by God for the sacred, if not quite understandable purpose of giving life to the undead, Ladybird reluctantly agrees to offer her services to PETZ on behalf of Fredd in order to serve her higher power. A date is set for the act of conjugal frivolities ...
However, as the day draws near, the baying crowd of (by now) quite unhinged humans have discovered Fredd's hiding place and begin to close in ...
It’s a race against time as PETZ personnel and Ladybird Bishop frantically explore every possible avenue and resource in order to stimulate Fredd’s rather reluctant and long-dead member to rise to the noble and holy purpose for which it was no doubt intended before it turned a darker shade of puce …
© Ross Sharp, 2008**
**Hell, someone might just take the hint and do this. After all, someone made a movie called “Zombie Strippers” didn’t they?
"I AM ZOMBIE" ...
In the not-so-distant future, post-zombie plague-sickness, the last zombie on earth finds itself hounded and harassed by hordes of uninfected humans who, having enjoyed popping zombies in the nut willy-nilly for nigh on a decade, have become consumed with a rabid blood-lust all too typically and historically human.
Aided and abetted by members of the outlawed activist organisation PETZ (People for the Ethical Treatment of Zombies), our zombie fugitive (whom we shall name Fredd, a one-time hairdresser to the stars of a popular, if not quite critically acclaimed soap, "Our Neighbourhood") is shunted from hiding place to hiding place as his allies bravely, perhaps foolishly, attempt to preserve the last of his kind, fighting against time to find Fredd a willing (or not-so-willing as the case may be) mate so that Fredd and his half-caste offspring may be reintroduced to society and learn to take their proper place alongside those of a non-zombie, non-undead persuasion.
For the lawmakers of the land had once, many years before, decreed that if they were provided iron-clad proof that zombies were capable of reproduction, reproduction being a gift from God, then their status as "undead non-citizens" would be revoked and they would be duly regarded from then on as simply "undead" and be issued with temporary citizenship until such time as they could learn a trade and become productive contributors to a faltering economy.
Even though Fredd has a somewhat disconcerting habit of chowing down on the brains of those members of PETZ who's do's he's just cut and fluffed (and expressing an appropriate level of remorse for acting on his baser instincts and impulses thereafter), our valiant activists, not easily discouraged or diverted from their passionate desire to see Fredd “git it on”, set about abducting various ladies from various walks of life to see if any of them hit it off with our zombie hero before finally settling upon one Ladybird Bishop, a fine female human specimen drawn from the ranks of the minor, but quite influential political party, "For God & Family".
Believing herself to be chosen by God for the sacred, if not quite understandable purpose of giving life to the undead, Ladybird reluctantly agrees to offer her services to PETZ on behalf of Fredd in order to serve her higher power. A date is set for the act of conjugal frivolities ...
However, as the day draws near, the baying crowd of (by now) quite unhinged humans have discovered Fredd's hiding place and begin to close in ...
It’s a race against time as PETZ personnel and Ladybird Bishop frantically explore every possible avenue and resource in order to stimulate Fredd’s rather reluctant and long-dead member to rise to the noble and holy purpose for which it was no doubt intended before it turned a darker shade of puce …
© Ross Sharp, 2008**
**Hell, someone might just take the hint and do this. After all, someone made a movie called “Zombie Strippers” didn’t they?
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