I've been drunk, I've been stoned, and I've danced around the loungeroom under the influence of both on many an occasion in my life to many a merry ditty, but I have never, ever, under any circumstances whatsoever, felt the need to adorn my noggin with a brown paper bag or a pair of horns with beer cans stuck to them.
Not even a pair of underpants have snuggled their way atop my denuded pate.
I do, however, wear a hat at times.
I feel that I may have led a joyless and sheltered life these many years.
Oh, the pain.
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